Before you reproduce...

I love this country! 

There are so many things I want to talk about.
I am tempted to begin a new blog for parenting ideas, advice etc.

As a childfree person, I have - obviously - questioned re-creating. Between HG and I, we have discussed and mulled it over from all angles.
Basically, the things we most like doing don't comfortably include children.
Now as I'm sitting here, I'm thinking 'but they are only children for....' how many years?

I think we/young people don't really begin to have much of a clue - in general - what they are doing, until they reach at least 25 years of age.
That's a lot of time and energy. 💟

The more people, friends and soooo many guys I speak to who have young children tell me repeatedly, how their partner's sex drive is way off course from their own. I understand mothers (often times) are tired, overworked and unappreciated - parenting is largely an endless, thankless job, let's be honest. But I think if anyone deserves/needs sexual pleasure, it's mothers. Do yourself a favour and let your husband devour you. 👅

Love this lil bean.

Tangent:

The toddler I nanny for has started giving me genuine, unprompted thank yous for doing things for her - or when she finds out I had done/given her something. It honestly makes my day and lightens my heart.



There are many children who need caring for (I feel lucky to be welcomed and included into a supported/supportive, cultured, intellectual family).
Yet people keep popping sprogs.

I don't intend to offend - I know most of my friends are doing/will do a fantastic job of bringing caring, planet-loving, respectful little people into this world.

In the back of my head I just keep hearing... "twelve harvests left..."

Things aren't happening fast enough. Everything - EVERYTHING - (ok not everything) is still being made with plastic.

Bank cards, razors, toothbrushes, most containers...

...because (never start a sentence with because) (avoid using never/always 👧) ...
BECAUSE the people at the top are dickheads - often with psychopathic tendencies (lacking empathy - giving no shits about who gets hurt) - are in cahoots with the oil/petrol companies. Plastic is made from oil. I wonder if everyone knows that.
What I don't understand is what they think their own offspring are going to live on.

Adventuring with my man.

I also wonder what effect it will have to keep removing bits, pieces, liquids etc from the earth and it's core. Humans don't deserve this planet & it's creatures.
Then they seem surprised by earthquakes, storms etc. A'doyyyy!

In 20 to 50 years, who knows; maybe we'll all have to wear masks every time we leave the house.
Maybe we won't be able to swim in the seas, lakes, rivers, waterfalls anymore.


Anyway... breathe... another blog, another time...

Ugh.

Back to the sex drive topic - I'm not saying sex is the most important part of a relationship/marriage, but I find it can have a lot to do with intimacy, affection, belonging & connection, as much as the actual act of sex itself. I also know of women who's male partners are not interested in sex or have a low sex drive.



My initial reason for this topic was...

What are people's reasons for reproducing?

Do they think about their reasons? Feel free to drop me any ideas/answers!

GTG.

I love you xx

P.S edit - adding snaps :)

Happy place!

Chemo curls

Beautiful moth

  

Happy New Hair?

Wow time has passed.
My penultimate chemo (number seven) was 2 days ago - New Year's Eve/

HG woke me from my sofa slumber at 11:15pm to make sure I didn't miss the welcoming of 2019! 🎉

Overall, I've been very lucky during chemotherapy and haven't suffered too much. At the change of drug (treatments five to eight), I felt anxious. Not knowing how the effects of the Taxol would affect me was like being back at the beginning of chemo. I was worried that the 10 steriod pills (5 at 6pm & 5 at 10pm) the night before chemo would keep me up all night. I slept okay and the only major effects I experienced were swollen, sore hands for a couple of days - possibly from the overlap in chemo drugs, because I thankfully haven't had it happen again. Other side effects include neuropathy (tingly hands/feet), which I've been affected by minimally.I have started having hot flushes at night though.Interesting & strange... I haven't had a period since the first few weeks of chemo and we've hardly had sex (whaaaah!).

I have been taking Grastofil, which is a brand name for Filagrastim. "Filgrastim belongs to the family of medications known as granulocyte colony stimulating factors (G-CSF). It helps the bone marrow produce white blood cells, which help the body fight infection." (Thanks, Google). So I initially injected my stomach (alternating sides) 11 times, starting 48hrs after my last chemo had ended. They live in the fridge so going out for a day/afternoon takes pre-planning! There is also an injection which can be taken once per chemo round, however this seems to be for those with "better" insurance than us, but also seems to cause more intense side effects - bone pain. 

My white blood cell count (WBC) was initially very high; beginning at 13.6 (4-11 is normal), after the second blood test showed my WBCs had reached 28.4, my oncologist reduced me to 8 jabs. I've mostly been taking 8 and this seemed ok for the first chemo treatments, but my levels rocketed (changed to 6 jabs) then have crashed down to 3.3 so I've been put back up to 8 jabs.

Neutrophils are the infection-fighting white blood cells, and a friend had mentioned keeping an eye on mine.
Last  Friday, mine were 1.3 - with the minimum they usually like being 1.5. I'm a really bad germophobe, but have been attempting to stay away from crowds, watching out for coughs & colds etc.

I spend a lot of my time at home these days; looking after myself! I've had lots of visitors, packages and messages of love.

I cannot believe there is only more more chemo treatment to go! I've become quite happy in my chemo hibernation cave!

Following the final treatment - number eight - I will have my usual 2 weeks 'recovery', jabs etc. then a couple more weeks until radiation treatment ('therapy') begins. This will be closer to my Dad's, so the plan is that I'll stay with him & my stepmum a few nights a week (this could help keep me healthier & munching less but we'll see!).

My stepmum is on the keto diet and my Dad is a pescatarian. A friend has mentioned the Blood Type Diet recently (anyone have any info?) and I'm also being nudged towards a naturopath (Tom is very anti), who will most likely want to sell me more appointments, expensive blood tests and numerous supplements. I recently asked a fellow breast cancer survivor friend, who said she was now a 'nutritarian'. I think mostly plant-based suits me/my body - as much as HG raves about animal protein being the best/quickest. I'm avoiding red meat as much as possible and chicken (I had unofficially given up turkey) unless it's hormone free/organic. I'm still eating fish here and there.

I think this is long enough! I'll add some pics! 😃

I've been editing my eyebrows to help emphasise them!

We are very lucky and received some cool gifts & vouchers for Crimbo!

Day before chemo #7
Bass lake Provincial Park

Testing hats in the Oncology waiting room!

Testing all the vital signs... 31/12/18

Crussssshing it!

New Years Day 2019 - Laughlin Falls

Bass Lake 1st Jan 2019

Playful Puss!

Kitty love this morning! 2nd Jan

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Who Where What Am I? Absorbing...

Rediscover....

The original purpose of my blog was, as the title suggests, was to write about what I'm learning.

I had definitely lost sight of any direction - story of my life!

We're all on a journey... some have more certainty about where they want to or are headed.

I drift along. I meet people and absorb them - taking good, bad and naughty as I go. I am bad at saying no. I go with the flow.

This year has been a bumble of fitness activity...
I firstly achieved my goal of actively doing a yoga class (online) every day for 30 days. This became a chore at times (i.e. after a 13hr work day), but I still loved every moment 'on the mat'. I have still been doing yoga each week, but not every day. (www.yogawithadriene.com)
Oh, I also explored veganism, but as with my ADD life, continued to go with the flow and eat a healthy balance of what's readily available in my world (i.e work, HG), but a little more conscientiously.

I then found a 4wk eating plan by Betty Rocker, for $40 instead of $100... I have cooked a few things from the first week, but need to download week 2-4 :P (This was Feb, it's now April.)

A girl I follow on Instagram, who I loveeeee - talks about making sex and self loving much less taboo. (I think I need to write a sex/erotica blog... hmmmm!). Anyway, this cool chick was giving away her sexual self love online course/programme for free. So I signed up for that - AND a chat group for yoga lovers, with Adriene. (I haven't participated either - just received thousands of emailssss gah.)

At around the same time, a friend I'd recently started chatting to more (Scottish but lives back in Anglias), had recommended another online option - www.dailyom.com.

I signed up (option of paying $10, $20 or $30) and have been doing the 20 day challenge - Fit & Fierce over 40 (although I'm not 40 for 3yrs). I'm on Day 16 and I started it about 3 weeks ago :D I do it here and there. I was trying to do consecutive days - and will try again this week - but there is also a page of reading to do each day, so I like to make time for it. She (Sadi Nardini) follows a daily topic, with a quick inspiration video, a recipe and a written self-reflection/development exercise, as well as the 20min work out - during which, she uses the same few warm-ups & cool downs repeated, with a fresh snippit in the middle - they are nice little workouts. Kinda intensive yoga :) It's a pretty good deal.

So all others fell to the wayside and this latter is the one I've been doing. It's always helpful to ask questions/figure/be aware of whats going on with oneself.

Also this year, I have been discovering, befriending and learning from some other women on Instagram (definitely my favourite app - photos are still my favourite). The most recent, are a beautiful group who support and encourage each other. I have a couple of (newish) irl friends, who see and take guidance from a naturopath. 

I have heard and read mention of Mercury being in Retrograde... I skimmed over it all a few time, then looked into it. I am trying to pay attention to interactions etc.
Because Mercury is the planet situated closest to the Sun, its orbit is much shorter than Earth’s. About three or four times a year, Mercury speeds past Earth, and that is when we experience a Mercury retrograde period. If you were in a car and another car passed you, you could tell it was going faster than you. But if it slowed down and you then passed it, it would appear that that car was actually going backward. Then when the other car speeds up and passes you again, it kicks up all of the dust in the road. As Mercury speeds by, it is like a train flying past, creating a powerful, turbulent gust of “wind” in its wake. The turbulence and disruption Mercury creates when it retrogrades can affect what we feel on Earth in our everyday lives.
https://www.astrologyzone.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-mercury-retrograde/

These ladies, who love being outside in nature, adore and show gratitude to mother earth - appreciate this planet.
The girl I have known first/most is also re-approaching her Zero Waste journey. I have so so so so much time for people making the effort to start to save this beautiful planet and it's creatures.


Tangent:
I suppose my most loved topics (on IG) are Zero Waste, Childfree, Travel - seeing people's views of the world and then there's my kinky, wild, sexual side (which used to have it's own account, but now gets mostly suppressed or embraced through other avenues).
These peeps are also users/believers in crystals - linked with energy; combined with tarot(?) cards, candles etc. - I still am unsure but very interested in learning (not so much about cards). People were putting out their washed crystals out for the full moon to renew and cleanse the energy. Fascinating.

This is a long enough ramble and I finally hit my original point.

Lots to learn. I'm also reading about alignment (of the human body) - I am definitely interested in ways to help me grow old whilst staying strong. If I die sooner, that's cool, but I intend to do what I can to avoid being in pain.

Oh also, I have been attending a triathlon group and have registered for my first race this summer!!

I'll be swimming the 4km race again for a charity I know personally and possibly the more local (sprint) triathlon. Weeehooo!

And maybe a Rubic's Cube Party again - for my 37th Birthday! Byeeee! Thanks for reading this far!


Yesterday in Parry Sound...

Last Week... the view from our drive.

Mercury Retrograde Whaaaaat?!

Ponderings...

I have had 2 days off with HG, which were lovely :) however I never get the housework/chores done (besides his work uniform cleaned). Now, my 3rd day off results in dealing with the trashed house after coming in and out, eating crap, hardly washing/tidying up etc. I'm always left with the boring shite... which I partly don't mind, especially now I'm back down to 2 jobs (I had picked up the 3rd - helping the family/parents with the mundane tasks).

One task I am contemplating is getting myself organised and studying a course to help my career prospects here in Canada. I may have mentioned it previously in my ramblings; I think I've considered it at the start of each of the last couple of years but the timings, effort in how the feck to enrole and reluctance to spend more on education have prevented further steps. Another aspect that saddens me is having to give up nannying the cherub I am helping to nourish and grow.
The other thing in my head today is friends... I miss having friends around with whom I can connect and relax around. I have friends here, but I feel like I spend more time text/messaging them and making plans that rarely work out.

We recently discussed possible transfer options, now that HG's place of work has been bought out by a different company. I feel sad on one hand, to leave this lovely town that has become our home, however I am ALWAYS up for new adventures, different places and meeting people.

I sometimes think it's sad that I make friends then move along - it's hard to build strong networks, but there's sooo much to see!

I rant a lot about zero waste; cups, bottles, straws & bags.
Maybe people get fed up with this and are less keen to spend time with me. I can't think of anyone nearby atm who feels as saddened as I do by the way we treat the planet.

Today I want to make more moisturiser (coconut oil & essential oils) and make my own deodorant - I follow an AWESOME soul on Instagram, who tries so hard everyday to lead a zero waste lifestyle.

I also want to take further steps towards applying to college.

And get to Bulk Barn - where you can take your own containers - hallelujah!!

I love my HG and there's no-one I'd rather hang out with - most of the time, but he doesn't arrange things with anyone else which puts a lot of pressure on me to be his friend, lover, wife, housemate etc etc.

I keep reading a lot about 'Mercury Retrograde'. I have made a few spiritual/wiccan friends on Instagram and it's all still very new to me. The moon and planets MUST have an effect on us though, right?

They say now is a great time to rethink re-do, revisit that which needs attention. Communication: internal and external. A time to create new patterns of thinking; rethink choices and try to fully utilise the wisdom of the past, to create an even better future.

It's so time consuming to work on oneself; how do people have time for offspring? :P

Thoughts welcome!!

Love & Light 

My Personal Collection of Various Somethings

I will be 34 years old in just over a week. I am proud to be the age I am. I feel lucky each and every day.

I am lucky to have found a partner who not only appreciates, agrees and believes in me and my values, but he supports, encourages and even preaches our shared visions. Our lives revolve around our religious beliefs that Fun is the God of Happiness. And Love too I guess :-P One decision that makes our lives so uncomplicated is remaining child-free.
Having spoken to a colleague/new friend today, I was reminded that things can get much more stressful way before children even enter the world. Just the conception of conception can complicate circumstances!

This evening I have been looking through the items of jewelry I brought with me here to Canada. I tried to only bring with me things that I actually like/wear (let's be honest, we have all received items/garments that we just don't feel right wearing). Thirty Four Years - well I probably started gathering them from about 16yrs onwards, so - 20 years of acquired knicknacks... nothing that would've cost a lot, or mean too much to anyone else. But I want to capture the reminiscent journeys that I found (find) myself on with each memory. I know I won't always have these. I don't too much care about who reads this - at present I am keeping it from most who know me - it's more for my own record. At least this post is.

The great thing about jewelry is that it's small so it doesn't take up too much space :-D

I'm heading home (to England) in 3 days time, for a swift visit and a wedding, and was gathering jewelry to take with me. Literally a memory with every item.

Losing a Stranger

Recently a lady's body was found close to where we are currently living; outside a school that's being built.. It has been said that she struggled with mental health issues and had left her house, down the road, wearing what we assume was inappropriate clothing for the -25°C conditions. She was found at 9am.

 

I had a day off today and decided to walk to the local grocery shop (my language is so muddled I can't remember what is Canadian and what is English speak: grocery store/supermarket). I passed the school which is being built and tied to the fence were wilted/frozen remains of flowers placed by, I assume, the caring general public and maybe people who knew "Que". I had been litter-picking as I walked - mainly Tim Hortons's cups and I picked up a card laying near the flowers. With no name on the front of the envelope, I peeked inside... I decided to read the card; out of curiosity/nosiness and also because I thought nobody else ever would and a big part of me wanted to know more about this woman who's life/death was seemingly a mystery.

As I was reading (and removing plastic wrappers from soggy flower remains), the sun was presenting me with a magnificent sunset. We've watched this sunset so many times and HG and I are always in awe at the beauty and try, when we can, to get outside and admire the colours in the sky.
I'm glad I read the card.

I'm also reminded that mental health is such a delicate thing; it's so easy to be damaged and to cause damage and it's out of our power what we may or may not inherit genetically.
RIP Que

http://www.orilliapacket.com/2015/02/20/orillia-police-investigating-after-womens-body-discovered

The good thing about litter-picking in -7°C is that nothing is gooey or liquidy, just stiff!

The less good thing is that it makes your hands cold (although I then remembered I had picked up a carrier bag too - useful!).

Things, Stuff & Junk

I recently decided that in an ideal world, HG and I could travel with our favourite/necessary belongings... travelling with a vehicle where each has their own itemised special position. If I could draw I would attempt it. I was probably high when I thought of this and will be again as I continue to write this.





Currently living in an apartment in Canada, HG and I have gradually been replacing equipment, belongings and apparatus that make life convenient and most of which we had already possessed in the UK. Prior to immigrating, we took car loads to charity/alternative homes/storage (aka parents'), sold items/vehicles, and gave away valuables (most importantly our baby kitty cats).



It's quite a strange feeling to leave what/who you know, taking only a few suitcases with 4 boxes shipped to follow... I now wish we had packed random things such as more of our kitchen items; however it's been worth the wait to acquire the ones we kept (via Mum's packing & Dad's transporting), ready for when we were flying the nest(s) and living independently once again, this time in our 'new' country.

Here in Canada, most of our 'new' belongings have been donated, shipped or bought from Ikea. Gradually we are gathering more stuff/crap and drawers/cupboards are being slowly filled - I put my hands up to this inherited habit :-D BUT we have a lot of space in our present place and very little 'stuff'. In the back of my mind I'm always wanting to collect as little as possible, to make our lives easier when we move on (still so many places I want to go/see/live/experience). At the same time, we're living here and it's important to be comfortable.

I want to add my own photos here but just figuring where they're stored and which device I can use to access them (Apple like to make things less than simple/compatible), it makes my head spin and sadly, it's much easier not to.

For now.