October Rambles

 I sometimes think about how much a working parent has to do and I am... firstly baffled anyone would choose to take that on...! But secondly, I think about them having less time to do - anything - specifically "work" on themselves. This term "doing the work" is cropping up a lot lately. Which makes breeding/having children a fantastic distraction from working on yourself - and great for people who see it as 'what they are supposed to do'. Why work on yourself when you can just have kids and pass your trauma reactions, anxieties, coping mechanisms, etc. onto them?


As I drift through my life, I am bumping into (thanks to the Google/IG algorithms I'm sure) childfree stuff, and I follow a childfree coach (Holly) who is from USA but is living in Norway with her wife for a year. Holly has started a book club and I the book we are reading is quite thought triggering. Great specific advice for journaling - the most important action in the morning, when your subconscious and conscious wake up and are in their OPTIMAL CONDITION.

I don't have a morning routine and once again I'm being told it's what we need in order to operate from our 'peak state' - alongside having time away from your regular environment. I am feeling a longing for some time with me - maybe take a drive and visit a friend this week. 

I am 39, I feel like I should have this sussed. I don't drink coffee and that seems to be most people's 'morning routine'. Followed by a poop! 💩

My mornings consist of a variation of... bowel movements (1-3x between 4am and 9am), much meandering, often making HG's lunch and seeing him off, sorting bins on bin day, a work out before 10:30am, yoga, meditation, phonecalls, scrolling on my phone, chatting/typing to ppl on my phone. This is on the days that I am not working but HG (I currently have extra time because I cut back 2 jobs to make time for new, 3rd job, which is delayed due to new centre not being ready). On days we're both off, I have even less routine but we usually get outside for a little walk/hike. We'll often wake and have snuggles/sex on a weekend; it's so nice when nobody has to go/be anywhere. Then HG will game, I'll potter - housework, feed us, make a mess, clean up!
We'll play Magic the Gathering and hang out/watch TV.




So I just read that your favourite colour describes your personality... 
What is your favourite colour and why?
How do you feel about it?
Write it down and put I Am at the front.

Purple: Deep, dark, warm

Turquoise: Fun, bright & vibrant

I am deep
I am dark
I am warm
I am fun
I am bright
I am vibrant

I don't actually disagree with these.

Let me know if you try it too :D

How does anyone know what they are doing? 
Life flies by so fast!

Covid - Wave II (actually nothing about C-19).

It's October in 2 days. 

The munchkin I look after turns 4yrs on 1st October. I wonder what her world will look like in 20, 30, 40yrs time.... I hope to know her for many of them.

 

Here is a leaf I caught, Katy Bowman stylie!
https://www.nutritiousmovement.com/

So the past week or so has been peppered with periods of training; some full days - on Zoom (the new normal way of the world - no time travelling movie predicted this.... or did they?), then at the weekend we were in the new pool/s.

I love the physical training; I was so fkn tired by Saturday night! We practiced rescues, situations, swam 400m in 10mins (7.39), retrieved bricks/mannikins from bottom of pool (13.5ft) and lots lots more.

That evening,HG and I walked and picked up Mexican Food. HG played Pokemon on the way home. We watched some telly and played a game of Magic the Gathering. Then I worked on my lesson plan for Sunday, which probably could've taken me 15mins but I procrastinate, dawdle and send people things they need to complete theirs!

My garden is doing well. I kinda ignore it this time of year; just water it if it doesn't rain for a few days. 
The Morning Glories are in full swing. But I'm bringing my marijuana plant in each night.

I am enjoying one day a week with the girly I nanny/care for. Her Mum was devastated when I said I wanted to cut down hours and focus on something else - lifeguarding/swim instruction, but she gets it and she loves me and I get to spend her birthday with girly this week so I'm excited about that!

I love to teach her (A) about life and nature and the world. I know she would/will be fine without my input; her family are so articulate and balanced with minumal screentime (like almost zero until Covid/Zoom school). But I love watching her grow & being a part of it (without full responsibility of another being).


I took her to a corn field recently, to show her how corn grows. I told her about how as children, on family walks, I would run with my cousins through the corn fields (alongside a path/trail) and my Uncle would sometimes shout, pretending to be a farmer telling us off. 😂 My younger cousins would be screaming and crying. 😆

I take her to the woods and the beach. 

We look around at bugs and leaves.
She's still annoyingly scared of spider webs though!

I gave her a t-shirt about a year & a half ago, which says

I Love Nature. 

And she does. It's getting tight on her but it's still true! 💚

   

I haven't been working out AS much, with 12hr shifts and whatevs but I'm not beating myself up about it! Fitting it in where I can. 

Even managed a wee lake swim (20℃ in the water).

The air was 7℃. It was deliciously therapeutic.

   



Autumn is upon us and I want to envelop all the sights, smells and feels 🍁🍂🍃

 

Our final Tuesday evening (Triathlon Club) bike ride. 

 

  

Until next time,
Be kind to each other ❤

👩

Falling Up Hill

I'm not one for wishing my life away.

Chemo #1 was a week ago (tomorrow). Yesterday and today are Tom's days off. It was so nice to have him in bed with me & around after 4 days of him having to work. I cried, scared for our sex life... it's such a huge connecting part of us - brings us back together whenever we're off kilter and after 12yrs, it's still amazing. Sorry - TMI. WTF. IDGaS. My blog. 😝

There are so many ins and outs with cancer/chemotherapthy. It's invasive and intrusive.

Knocks you off guard and tests every part of you - no matter how deep.
I'm sure I have not even begun to experience how testing it it going to be for the next few months.

Cancer itself is... whatever - it is our own body performing, growing cells, as it believes it should.
But it doesn't know the cells are attacking our own life source. It's a head fuck.

Chemotherapy (and to follow, radiation & hormone treatment) is the method of treatment that humans/science have found which best treats our cells. By killing fast growing cells, they eliminate the cancer, but also any good cells.  Different drugs cause various symptoms and side effects.  The anti-sickness drugs create other side effects. Which aren't fun, but certainly beat puking until dehydration.

 

I keep realising that... I won't need my hair bands/ties/clips... these thing seem small and silly.

It's more the growing back part of the hair loss that may bug me. My friend had breast cancer/chemo 2 years ago and messaged me this morning with a photo of her cute bob, growing back beautifully.
I'm otherwise semi-excited about losing hair from other parts of my body! 😜



Speaking of which, I haven't managed to find any explicit details on sex during chemo. Because I have been technically pumped with poison, my fluids are potentially dangerous (queue lots of loo cleaning) and also, due to my "compromised immune system", I must also practice being more of a germophobe.

So condoms are a requirement, but it's the oral/foreplay/relaxed nature of our love that we will need to tweak. 


Ever feel like you're living someone else's life?

In other news, we are LOVING autumn/fall! 🍁

   

  

 

Chemo? Sweet...

I checked out the chemo suite today... it's two rooms, adjoining and there's a calm atmosphere. It's at the top of the hospital which gives a lovely view of roofs & trees. 🌲

I was there to have my portacath re-dressed. It was implanted (under my skin on left side, below collar bone) on 25th September; 8 days ago under local anesthetic and I was excited(?) to get to see it! All healing well, chemo will commence in 6 days time!

A portacath is a round device with a valve, attached to a line/catheter that is threaded into a vein and goes down into the heart. It can be used to give IV fluids, blood transfusions, chemotherapy & other drugs; it can also be used to take blood. It can stay in as long as is needed (must be used or flushed monthly).

I met the 3 Oncology Nurses and they happily answered my questions. Every single one of the workers - Volunteers, Nurses, Doctors etc etc. have been totally lovely actually. 💖

I learnt that I am currently "Chemo Niave", or as I like to say, a Chemo Virgin 😜, as my blood is still pure (lol) and hasn't yet been affected by chemotherapy (or as I like to call it, poison).

So here's my port after insertion and today... 

  

At the weekend, I joined a 5km walk called Race for the Cure; raising awareness & money for breast cancer etc. I knew I'd be with HG, Dad & his lady but wasn't aware 3 of their friends would be joining and then, once walking, was handed a phone to speak to Dad's Lady's son, daughter & their partners & pup - who were also walking in their town, Winnipeg!! Wowzer. Such love & support!

Here is my crew, warming up!!

  

Here is my boi & me on a delicious rainy walk. 💚
  

 

I'm feeling good - as good as I can be, with chemo approaching.

I was invited for a run this evening... I do feel like I need to do something before Tuesday, but don't want to disrupt the port either. I plan to get outside before every chemo treatment and be as active as I can during. Fingers crossed! ✌👍👌

Take care peeps xx

PS I couldn't wash my hair after the port op so I eventually went to the hairdresser... whilst there, I she gave me an undercut & snipped off 4 inches! :)

I've attended a Chemo Class and also a Look Good, Feel Better workshop.
So lucky!