Anila Kitteon

Anila Kitteon
Sniff the Daffs

Monday, 15 October 2018

Falling Up Hill

I'm not one for wishing my life away.

Chemo #1 was a week ago (tomorrow). Yesterday and today are Tom's days off. It was so nice to have him in bed with me & around after 4 days of him having to work. I cried, scared for our sex life... it's such a huge connecting part of us - brings us back together whenever we're off kilter and after 12yrs, it's still amazing. Sorry - TMI. WTF. IDGaS. My blog. 😝

There are so many ins and outs with cancer/chemotherapthy. It's invasive and intrusive.

Knocks you off guard and tests every part of you - no matter how deep.
I'm sure I have not even begun to experience how testing it it going to be for the next few months.

Cancer itself is... whatever - it is our own body performing, growing cells, as it believes it should.
But it doesn't know the cells are attacking our own life source. It's a head fuck.

Chemotherapy (and to follow, radiation & hormone treatment) is the method of treatment that humans/science have found which best treats our cells. By killing fast growing cells, they eliminate the cancer, but also any good cells.  Different drugs cause various symptoms and side effects.  The anti-sickness drugs create other side effects. Which aren't fun, but certainly beat puking until dehydration.


I keep realising that... I won't need my hair bands/ties/clips... these thing seem small and silly.

It's more the growing back part of the hair loss that may bug me. My friend had breast cancer/chemo 2 years ago and messaged me this morning with a photo of her cute bob, growing back beautifully.
I'm otherwise semi-excited about losing hair from other parts of my body! 😜

Speaking of which, I haven't managed to find any explicit details on sex during chemo. Because I have been technically pumped with poison, my fluids are potentially dangerous (queue lots of loo cleaning) and also, due to my "compromised immune system", I must also practice being more of a germophobe.

So condoms are a requirement, but it's the oral/foreplay/relaxed nature of our love that we will need to tweak. 

Ever feel like you're living someone else's life?

In other news, we are LOVING autumn/fall! 🍁