Anila Kitteon

Anila Kitteon
Sniff the Daffs

Friday, 23 January 2015

I'm sorry if my life choices disappoint you...

Started on 7th November 2014...

I recently commented on a humorous 'childfree' page. I like many of their posts because I can relate, however some people take things too far i.e baby hating.

I like babies, love children and am amused/stimulated/frustrated/amazed by teenagers, however I feel very misunderstood and isolated much of the time; especially now I'm working as a bartender/server. I am (it is believed by the general population, aka my customers, that) I am of the age where I should have offspring and if I don't then it should definitely be on the horizon. A man recently asked me "what else will you have?" when I said HG and I had no intention of reproducing. If pushed, I'll suggest possible adoption... but not for many years and only if we notice a huge child-sized gap in our lives (unlikely).

My gut instinct tells me the most likely occurrence would be to home a child who comes into our lives at the right time for everyone involved. It feels kinda natural but we'll see.

So, getting back on track, my comment was in response to the image to the left. The fact that I had commented, seemingly, (unbeknownst to me) advertised itself on social media site of choice and I received a message from my sister-in-law, asking if I had been child-bashing again... I responded expressing my frustration in the fact that Facebook advertises that stuff in my 'friends'' newsfeeds, without my knowledge or permission, and that I wasn't "child bashing" but merely contributing my own personal experiences (within a forum where I felt understood).

There's not much I keep super private, however being outspoken on this topic and regarding my childfree beliefs has lead to a few precarious predicaments with friends and family in the past. I've found it's easier to stay quiet, although I am me, and therefore this doesn't always happen IRL.

Parents are ridiculously overprotective of their offspring after all.

I realised, recognised and acknowledged recently, that it's a pretty lonely position when 95% of people I speak to about it are baffled. Facial expressions are similar to those in response to being told I live in a pineapple under the sea and have a pet seahorse (ok maybe not quite; I'll work on a better example). I'm in the minority.

Along my journey, I have met the odd person who either feels the same as HG & me (very very few); feels the same but for different reasons (i.e not wanting body stretched) or who understand but still plan to have children themselves. The group of people who I find have the most understanding, respect and admiration are those (usually women) who have had children but maybe earlier than would've planned to, with the 'wrong person' or in a way in which they didn't feel that had full control. The process of creating a child is very simple; it's not rocket science and it doesn't take much thought or intelligence; it's one of our primitive instincts. Mothers have told me that they fully understand my decision and that although they love and by no means regret having their child/ren, if they could go back and have their time again, they would skip having children, or wait until they were ready/with the right partner.

I am crazily lucky to have my life-partner by my side with thoughts and feelings almost exact to mine (we spent a good amount of our first few years together pondering life, birth, death and how to achieve the things we had agreed meant most to us i.e. fun, travel, sex and sleep). Things we don't agree on, we are pretty darn good at discussing and compromising on.

I also feel much less alone when Google finds me like-minded people who care about the planet and future generations enough to bypass having their own children.

"I’m not having kids because I can’t in good conscience contribute to the rapid diminishment of our world. If I were to have kids, their quality of life would be less than mine, and I don’t want to condemn them to that. Surprisingly, I’ve been told that I’m selfish, unwilling to share my life with a child. Look at it this way: I’m leaving more resources for your child."

Another excellent article which shares a few of my notions:

Oh and one more superb read...:

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