Radiotherapy... the procedure
As I walk through the hospital, accompanied by either Tom, Dad, Mum (visited for 9 days) or Step Mom, we pass through the giant revolving glass walls, into the Cancer Care Centre, pass the volunteer dressed in a blue waistcoat, down the concrete steps surrounding colour-changing baubles... pausing at the reception desk to check in and find out which waiting room (A or B) we should head to.
My chauffer/loved one would head to the waiting room and find a seat whilst I hung my outer layers up & put my snowboots/shoes in the cupboard/locker. I'd hop into a changing room, swap my vest & t-shirt for a gown, (sometimes I'd put on blue booties) and join my fam in the waiting room.
One by one we'd be greeted and called to one of the 3 working machines (a 4th machine yet to be added), by a Radiotherapist and led through a corridor into a room made of lead and concrete (this sounds bad but the walls were pleasant colours, a picture on the ceiling etc.).
Two radiotherapists per session, I would plant my booty on the carbon fiber table and swing my legs round, my knees resting bent on a plastic hump (designed to keep my centre still I imagine).
Removing my arms from my gown, I would lay back, lifting my arms over my head and resting my upper arms in rests, my hands holding onto handles.
💜
Pre-rads jitters
The morning of my first treatment (7th February), I searched online for the best way to treat my skin before and after receiving radiation. One site came up with '7 questions to ask your doctor before receiving radiation'. I was already fearful and on the fence about radiation; I had considered declining treatment more than once. However, many people, including my cousin who is a radiologist, reassured me that treatments are not prescribed lightly and that discussions, meetings etc. are held with doctors, nurses etc. I also heard from a university ex boyfriend, who collaborates the radiotherapy machines, who also assures me that it "works".
I did fire a few of the questions I had found at the Radiotherapist who had a pre-treatment meeting with my Dad and I, but as I lay, scared and unsure that I was doing the right thing, I was offered music and as the volume was turned up, the playlist was half way through a song that triggered all sorts of emotions for me.
Hotel California by The Eagles was one of my Dad's favourite songs.
It's also the song I crashed my car to. I had a friend sitting behind me, his surfboard resting across the passenger seat and backseat/parcel shelf; my body board & our wetsuit gear in the car somewhere. Crusing country lanes, the lady in the car in front of me appeared to drive round the corner, spot her son and his friend on their bikes on the right side of the road/layby and pulled over to the left, suddenly, without indication. I was driving my parents' SEAT Ibiza (which I believe needed new tyres) and shunted the lady further left than she'd intended; through a break in the hedge and into a field. I honestly don't remember what happened next... I assumed we exchanged details but all I remember is that Hotel California was still playing when I got back into the driver's seat.
Change of focus
Anyway!! As I lay on the table in the empty room feeling cold, alone and very Hand Maid's Tale-ish, for the longest 3-4mins (all in my head; the therapists were all lovely), I fought back tears. Some of which escaped and tricked down my cheeks into my ears. Unable to move, I urged myself to lay still.
HG later reminded me that I would usually embrace this as an interesting experience and be fascinated by the treatments that science is allowing us to receive.
How Lucky I Am.
So from session #2 onwards; following an honest FB post and more overwhelming support, I approached radiation with a calm, focused, appreciative mind.
Sometimes I sang, sometimes I closed my eyes & breathed/dozed.
I often watched the machine/s doing their thang.
The process continued
The therapists would call out numbers (listed on 3 computer screens around the room) to each other and line the table up with the machine according to a laser/light ruler. The ruler between my boobs had to line up with my dot tattoo (of which I have 5) at 94.1 - other lasers shone from sides of the room (my neck is settled in a rest and I can only really look up) to line up with the tattoos on my sides.
Once they had gently moved me into position, sliding my torso with a sheet beneath me, whilst reminding me not to move/help them, they let me know they were leaving the room and headed back through the short corridor to a room (behind 2 walls for protection from any escaped radiation) with computers. From there, they move an arm out from the huge machine behind me and the flat metallic disk extends from behind me and makes an electronic prolonged buzz noise as my chest was x-rayed.
Next, the round head of the machine moved around and underneath me, lead needle fingers moving to change the shape of the radiation exposure behind the glass. The machine zapped me through my back (from/on an angle, not direct through my chest) and from various positions around me, then returned to the central position above me. The radiotherapists would return to the room and lower me down on the table, using a connected remote control. The final four treatments (of 20) were 'boosters' aimed from 2 angles at my tumor site.
I am told the next 2-4 weeks could be increasingly painful, as the site continues to burn from inside and fatigue may also increase. I'm planning to return to my nanny job in 3 weeks time.
In 2 weeks I begin taking daily hormone treatment pills, Tamoxifen and on 9th April I will be having my port removed.
My hair is as fuzzy and soft as a gosling; my eye lashes are returning, much to my excitement (I was down to 5 😜) and this morning I noticed my eye brows are starting to grow too.
I'm so excited, it feels like a fresh start!!
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